Jennifer Ammoscato

Aspiring author. Successful chocoholic. Debut novel "Dear Internet: It's Me, Avery." May 2014

Admit it. You watch the Super Bowl for the Ads

Is there a football game being played February 2?

I believe that some guy named Peyton Manning might be playing. It might be a championship. Who knows?

If the guys aren’t sharing facetime with the Audi “Doberhuahua” or the Matrix’ Morpheus driving a new Kia in one of the $8-million-a-minute TV ads, I won’t notice them.

First downs be damned. I’m one of the 46% of Canadians who will tune in to the Super Bowl to check out the advertisements, according to a Canadian Press poll. In fact, I’m worried the game might get in the way of that. Maybe I’ll head to the kitchen for a snack after each snap. Or check my Twitter feed for updates on the Puppy Bowl.

(Speaking of adorable canines, have you seen the Budweiser lab frolic with the Clydesdale? Come on, people. That’s freaking moving! Tears in my eyes, I tell you. Tears!)

What will Doritos do this year? Will mini Darth Vader be back? I love mini Darth Vader. I bookmarked that commercial. (Yes, I bookmark my favourite commercials. I am not a freak! I am literate. I know when to use “their”, “there’ and “they’re”.)

We want our entertainment in bits and bytes. Quick snap shots. 140 characters, baby! It’s no wonder we’re captivated by a 30-second ad that can make us laugh or cry. Or buy a luxury automobile.

Now excuse me while I go watch Doberhuahua on YouTube. It’s bookmarked 🙂

Okay. Tell me honestly, what are you looking forward to: the ads or the game? Do you have a favourite? Comment below.

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Who’s To Say Pretty Woman Isn’t Art?

While perusing the wondrous selection of books at the Toronto Film Festival facility recently, I came to a dead stop at this title: 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die.

I almost picked it up. Then I thought the better of it.

I love cinema. Other kids played Hide and Seek or Battleship during summer vacation. I stood in front of the movie bookshelf at our library, head painfully tilted sideways, trying to decide between Charlie Chaplin’s autobiography or Life Goes to the Movies. In another life, I’d have been a film reviewer. In real life, I was a book geek (and, needless to say, not one of the cool kids.)

I’ve got to be honest, however. I don’t like the commitment that comes attached to a list that long.

You figure that each film must be at least two hours. That’s a minimum of 2002 hours of movies (damn, I’m a math whiz!). Between work, sleep, eating frozen yogurt and incessantly checking Facebook, when will I fit it all in?

This literary theme calls to mind another book, 1001 Places To See Before You Die. What if, God forbid, I want to go somewhere twice? I’ll feel I’ve wasted time. I won’t enjoy myself.

What’s with all the pressure, people?

Do these authors know something about my health that I don’t? Are they worried I’m going to run out of time? Have they spoken to my doctor?

No. Like everyone else, they just like telling people what to do.

Well it’s not going to work I tell you. It’s not going to work!

I’ve watched Citizen Kane. I’ve also watched Hot Tub Time Machine (against my will—thanks to my husband). Once, a long time ago, I watched The Incredible Melting Man with my parents at the drive-in. I’ve got to say, Citizen Kane does not offer the pulse-pounding drama of Jurassic Park (1 and III only; II was simply unwatchable. I do have standards.)

If I only commit to movies that are considered “great cinema”, when will I ever get to watch Pretty Woman? Some days I just need me some Rodeo Drive hooker shopping scenes (you do realize, of course, that I mean shopping for clothes, not hookers, right?)

Honestly, I put enough pressure on myself with lists, post-it notes, highlighters and, when all else fails, writing on my hand when it absolutely has to get done.

That’s it. No more. I’m not taking on new obligations.

Now pass the popcorn. Twister’s on.

What’s your guilty cinema pleasure? (And no, I’m not talking about porn. Get your mind out of the gutter!) Tell me in the Comment Section below.